Role models...part 1

Our children are wiser than we, because they don't have the weight of supposed obligations or perceived loyalty to bear. 

Everything we do, teaches our children a lesson. We either teach a positive or a negative. 

Sometimes, as adults, we hold onto friendships that aren't really mutually beneficial any more, because we don't want to lose a longtime friend or because we feel we owe that person somehow.

I'm here to say that our kids see that. They see that one person sets the terms from the friendship and the other person either allows it or suffers for it, because their needs aren't being fulfilled. 

They see that other person, and ourselves, through a different set of lenses. 

What are your kids seeing when they look at you? 

Made it through Week 1!

You may have heard me mention I went back to work full-time outside the home. This past week was my first week at the new job. I'm exhausted. The weekend won't be enough time to get me rested and ready to go back for the second week.

The girls, especially my youngest, has had a hard time with Mommy being gone. She was only 9 months old when I left my previous position to focus on photography full time. To her, I've always been there. Every day. She cried when she gave hugs and kisses the night before my first day. I held her tight and cried too. Hard. She cried when I called to check on her the next day. I choked back the tears, but man, was it hard. That little girl broke my heart. 

Through the week I gradually cut back to texting my teenager to make sure all was well. And it was. My house was pretty clean and no one starved (thank you freezer meals!). And they've all learned to adjust. I still get weepy though. Kids are more resilient than adults. 

My body is worn out though. I have four more weeks of training. Lots of time making sure log in and passwords work, lots of time doing bland compliance courses (I work in the banking industry), lots of time hearing someone talk and not learning anything hands-on. I'm a learn as I go kind of girl, so training will be informative, but not as exciting as actually getting to do the job will be. 

Top it all off with me not feeling well the last few days, and here I am: in my bed for the third time today. Just one more day to get myself pulled together and get ready for Monday. I would seriously lobby to make Fridays part of the weekend. Two weekend days just isn't enough...

On the flip side, I rescued some perennials from the clearance shelves at Lowe's today. I'm pretty proud that a large amount of my flowers came from death's door and at deeply discounted prices. If you know what you're looking for, and are okay with buying plants that likely are done with blooming this year but that need a little TLC, then it is a great way to add to your gardens! Getting $120 worth of plants for $35 is pretty awesome in my book. The hubby will be on vacation next week while our son is at band camp, so he will get the plant in the ground and then I shall work my magic. Next year, we will reap the benefits! Gardening is patience. 

That's all I got for now. Next week I plan on sharing a recipe for bread and butter pickles. I've used it for all the pickling cucumbers I'm getting from our garden and everyone who tries them, loves it! 

Have a blessed weekend y'all! 

Friendships and Bygones

Google "why can't women get along" and you'll find 215,000,000 results. Imagine if you disallowed 3/4 of that number for duplicate info. The left over number still means a staggering amount of information on the topic.

I'm sure you've either said, or knows someone who has said, "I have more male friends than female friends." I know I've said it, mostly because at those times in my life, it was true. But I never really thought about why it was true.

I grew up in a trailer park. It was a lot of drama. But I had two friends that I loved dearly and through divine intervention still have contact with. In high school, I had several close friends, but it wasn't until I joined the Marine Corps that I realized I just got along better with guys. I'm loud and opinionated and I found that guys just didn't hold grudges when I bared my feelings and they hit close to home for someone. Guys are really good at saying, "Bygones." Remember "Ally McBeal" and Fish? It worked for me.

But then I found myself expecting my son. And I met the two women who are as good at bygones as I needed them to be. We loved each other immediately. It was a take-a-grenade kind of friendship from go - not because we were Marines and that's what we were trained to do, but because we literally can't imagine a world where the other two aren't in it. When we get to spend time together, it's like our hearts refill and our energy is renewed. But we've had times where even we didn't get along. We got over it pretty easily, but then, we are good at bygones. 

Some people say women can't get along because of jealousy. I can agree in many instances. This was the case when I worked in a doctor's office. Everyone wanted to one up each other, to be the favorite and shine the brightest. 

Sometimes though, it's something else. I've heard it said that it must be the fault of the feminists. We've heard for so long that "I am Woman, Hear Me Roar!" cry for so long, we think we must push and fight and debate everything in our lives. Men don't need this, and some women don't either, so they find themselves at certain times getting along better with the opposite sex more than women who can encourage, support and nurture them. Perhaps that's why we all go through the stage where we can't even get along with our mothers; we're in a constant power struggle with them, and ourselves. 

Being a woman is hard. We feel so much more on an emotional level. We struggle with self-image. We often times feel we can't say no to those wanting or demanding our time, so we're stressed and over-committed. We have demands as a daughter or sister, a mother and/or wife. Top that off with our job - whether it be at home with the kids, or in an office somewhere. We have a habit of taking care of everyone else but ourselves. No wonder we have a hard time investing more time into each other!

Sometimes we do. We invest time, help each other out, learn about each other, and years can go by; then we find out what we thought was a good friend just believes differently about things we consider fundamental to who we are. And we make the choice to walk away from that. Often times, there's no real explanation, but we will go out of our way to show caddiness, and even do or say hurtful things. And we know exactly what hateful things to hurl at that person. After all, we've spent a lot of time learning what makes them tick. And we use these emotional weapons to hurt people who perhaps just didn't deserve it. Instead of accepting a woman for who she is and celebrating the variety their beliefs bring to the friendship, we toss it away. We teach other women there's no loyalty among us. 

God created Eve to provide companionship for Adam. Eve was to be nurturing, loving, a wife, and a mother. But that doesn't mean she can't and shouldn't also be loving, nurturing, open and honest for other women. It enriches our lives and can create a lifelong support system that women do really need. 

I'm so lucky that my two best friends and I are like this, but we are separated by two states on either side (I'm in the middle). But there's other ladies I've realized are walking away from time invested in a friendship and I often find I'm the one asking "What happened?!" while they're hurling insults and hurtful words. As I said, I'm loud and opinionated and usually, so are the ladies  I find friendship with. So maybe they decide I'm too abrasive or they just don't care to hear my opinion anymore. I'm not sure.

But I'm also someone who welcomes some variety, and I have lots of friends of different backgrounds and beliefs, which makes it more interesting. Unless someone is emotionally abusive or toxic, or engaging in illegal behavior I can't condone, I rarely completely give up on a friend. We ladies need each other. Guys are okay, but only a woman really understands the complexities of being a woman. It all boils down to acceptance. Women are having a hard time getting along because they have a hard time accepting each other as they are. 

So, I'm going out on a limb today and saying I'm sorry to those I have given up on because I couldn't be more open and accepting. And I hope that if you've ever given up on me, you find yourself willing to try to be friendly again. After all, variety is the spice of life. We must be open, accepting, and gracious to one another. We don't have to agree all the time - that would be boring - but let's not hold grudges. Accept we are all different, and we can enjoy the differences or live a bland life surrounded by those who are exactly like us. And who really wants that? I know I don't. 

Shepherd's Pie

Okay, I'm about to share one of my top secret recipes, only because so many have asked me to keep sharing recipes.

Tonight we are having shepherd's pie. It's one of my husband's favorite meals. I'm going to warn you - if you are a purist about this dish, click that red x up in the top right, because this is very non-traditional! 

First, here's a list of ingredients. Again, I don't measure much so a lot of this requires tasting along the way to make sure it tastes right to you.

1lb ground beef (85/15 works well)

1ib sausage (I use Bob Evans Mild)

1 pack of Liptons Onion Soup Mix

2 cans sweet corn

2 cans peas

1 can green beans

2 sticks salted butter

Salt

Black Pepper

Garlic Powder

Herbs de Provence

Mashed Potatoes

Shredded Cheese (I use Colby Jack)

Now, I make my own mashed potatoes. And people tell me they are fabulous. Here's my secret: butter. LOTS of butter. However I don't want my potatoes to be too buttery for this dish, so I cut back. So, boil your potatoes, drain and mash (I use my handy KitchenAid for this part). Add 2 sticks of butter, enough milk to make the potatoes creamy but not runny, and salt & pepper to taste. 

While your potatoes are boiling you can brown the sausage, beef and onion soup mix. Add in some salt, pepper, a little garlic powder and about a teaspoon of herbs de Provence. When all browned, drain well and spread into a 9x13 casserole dish. 

I top it with the canned veggies (all drained and mixed together so I can hide the green beans from my 5 year old). I top that with spoonfuls of the mashed potatoes and then spread them to cover all the veggies. Then, sprinkle some cheese - we use about a cup, but you could do more or less depending on your preference. Finally, pop the dish into an oven at 350 degrees, until the cheese is melted and the tips of the potatoes are just a little stiff and brown, which is about 20 minutes. 

I serve with some type of bread - either cornbread, Texas toast or dinner rolls. 

It's a pretty easy dinner and only requires two pots, so in my book, that makes life a little better!

Enjoy!

Thinking for themselves

So I have this teenage boy. He's almost sixteen. Every day he gets a little older, a little closer to that golden age of eighteen, that age where the government considers him all grown up, capable of making his own decisions.

I was adopted by my paternal grandmother. She grew up a coal miner's daughter. She was old school. By the time I turned 18, I truly believe she thought she had armed me with the ability to think for myself, stick up for myself, and make good choices. But I didn't wake up the morning of my 18th birthday suddenly capable of these things that the night before, I was not. It was learned behavior over time. My mother would've said she gave me just enough rope to see if I would hang myself with it. I called it learning how to be an adult.

That did not include being disrespectful, rude, or unfeeling. It didn't include condoning illegal behavior. But if I wanted to work an extra shift at my job or I chose not to study for an exam, if I drove too fast or enlisted in the military - those were my decisions to live and die by. I knew what my mother would likely do or expect of me, and I could either rise to the occasion or fall on my face and learn from the experience. 

Which brings me back to my point about my son. My mother was probably tied in knots that year or so before I turned 18 - scared I wouldn't or couldn't apply her lessons to my life. I say that, because I'm worried about the same things. He's getting his temps in 10 days. He will have a license and a car in 6 months. He will get a job next summer when school let's out. And then we will be considering colleges from around the nation. I want him to be able to distinguish between moments when it's okay to still be a kid, and moments when it's okay to be a respectful young man. I want him to follow the right role models, but if their rules ever confuse him, there's a right way to ask for help or clarification - to know when he can and can't control his future. 

I've told him so many times - if you need your voice to be heard so you aren't treated unfairly, you can't be afraid to speak up. It's okay to be your own advocate. Otherwise, people will assume you are a pushover, and it may follow you throughout your life. I can't always be there for you. 

My mother died six weeks before my 24th birthday. My son was three. Mom left this earth knowing I was capable, and had been for a while. And that was because she allowed me to be capable while still under her very watchful eye. I wouldn't have hung myself with that length of rope, because she would've been close by, waiting in case I needed a longer rope or reinforcements. That's what us parents do. 

Now, maybe you're thinking "they're just kids still." And you're right - they are. But they'll just be kids with cars soon. And then they'll be just kids picking out colleges or the armed forces or pounding the pavement, looking for a job. Then they'll be kids in love, promising to love another forever. Then they'll be just be kids having their own kids. The point is, they'll always be our kids. 

So, when do you start loosening the proverbial apron strings? When is it okay to let them show us we've taught them well - or that they need more time? Are we now a nation of parents who can't or won't let go? Or are we raising kids who are gaining more confidence and experience everyday, in preparation for the adult decisions that soon face them? Is sixteen too young to start encouraging them to speak up for themselves? To encourage respectful discussions about what affects them most?

I say it's not. I say this has to be the time, while we are still close by, watching to see how much rope is left. This is the quiz before the test. Others disagree, and in reality, none of us are wrong; only our methods are different. But is it harmful to allow our kids to test the waters? What do you think?

8 days and a wake up!

On the 15th, I return to work in the real world. No more editing photos in my sweats and sleeping in til 8am.

This was always the plan. Eventually, the kids would all be in school all day and I would go back to work. It happened about a month earlier than I really needed it to, but I couldn't pass up the opportunity. Thankfully, I have a very supportive family to help out with the kids until school starts.

Something I have to miss is dinner with my family. My shift, after 5 weeks of training, will not end til 10pm most nights. I relish dinner - mostly because I absolutely LOVE to cook. My family, especially my husband, have always had high praise for my culinary efforts. 

If I didn't plan this out, my husband would have 3 kids to bathe, to help with homework and do all evening chores - including dinner. Since I know my husband well, I decided the only way they could manage the nightly routine - including dinner - I had to go the way of the freezer meal. So today marked my first efforts. I got chili, Italian chicken, pot roast, pork chops & veggies, BBQ pork chops and taco meat freezing now. 

I also decided to try my hand at vegetable beef soup. I winged it without a recipe. And holy wow. Did I mention I can cook?! DELISH. I know you're wondering what the recipe is, right? Well, I didn't measure anything but here's the list:

Cut up stew meat

1 pack Lipton's onion soup mix

1 can Campbell's Golden Mushroom Soup

1 can green beans (with juice)

1 can whole kernel corn (drained)

1 box beef broth

6 whole carrots, chopped into slices

4 celery stalks, halves and chopped (I also used some of the leafy ends)

6 potatoes, quartered

1/2 onion, chopped

Maybe a half cup of chopped bell pepper

Black pepper

Salt

Lawry's seasoning salt

Garlic powder

Onion powder

Summer savory

Basil

Oregano

I basically threw it all together and simmered it until the potatoes and carrots were soft enough to stab with a fork, and the stew meat was very tender. 

My teenage son had two helpings of soup tonight. I'm calling this a successful dinner. The best part is that I have enough for at least two more dinners for my family of five! Winning!! 

Garden Envy

I might as well admit it. I'm obsessed with gardening. I didn't use to be, but several years ago I planted some annuals in containers. They did so well, I started making flowers beds around my house. I love the sun, sweat, dirty fingernails and itchy mulch-covered skin of summertime gardening. Two years ago I added veggies to the mix and now I'm preoccupied with garden planning on a daily basis. LOL

I also adore looking at others' gardens for ideas. And today, I found this one on Fine Gardening's website.

I'm a big proponent of making the world beautiful. This woman's garden does exactly that. And it makes me want to redo everything I've already done! Enjoy!!

http://www.finegardening.com/item/27002/katies-garden-in-ohio

4th of July and other musings

Well, we won our last home game of the regular season last night! I'm a proud momma. Our son runs like the wind. They all hit well, ran, made good plays. I'm a proud coach's wife, too. Being a coach of a knothole team....it's a LOT of work. And it's thankless. Very few realize how much off-field time goes into coaching. And few thank the coach for volunteering their time away from work, their families, their spouses...it's a lot of work. And being the coach's wife is hard too. Hearing all the comments from others when you're sitting in the stands, sometimes disagreeing yourself with your spouse, but also needing to support your husband to other parents, picking up the extra load at home while your spouse is out at practice, or meetings, games...I love watching my boy play ball, so it's all worth it in the end. I'm glad we are at tournament time. 

What's even better is, the game ended in plenty time to make it to the big fireworks display our little town does every year. In March 2012, our town was nearly leveled by an F3 tornado. And yet, 4 months later, we still had fireworks. It's what we do, and it's done really well. The girls loved it. The lightning bugs loved ME. I loved coming home and snuggling in my very comfy bed after a really long day.

So, today is the 4th of July. The husband and I were both Marines. We love history. So today is a great holiday for us. I got up on time to get the boy to his high school for the parade - he plays percussion with the band - only to find out, it was cancelled because of all the rain we are getting. Great for plant growth but terrible for veggie production. My tomato plants need some heat and sun. My husband needs tomatoes. 

So here we lay, under comfy warm blankets, watching The Walking Dead marathon, eating my famous homemade chili. It's the least stressful 4th I've ever had. I almost wish it would rain like this next year, too! 

In the end, I guess we don't need crazy heat and blazing sun. We are still free and live in an amazing country, even if its rained enough for Noah to float an ark. At least we are together. We are family. 

I like it that way. 

Life as I know It

My 6th grade teacher wrote on my graduation certificate "I expect you'll write a novel someday." Well, thanks to computers and the internet, it's a lot easier to write a blog these days than get a novel published. Although....I wouldn't mind writing a novel someday. This seems easier. I like easier. "Work smarter, not harder" my dad always says. He's pretty smart, for an old(er) guy.

Anyway, here I am, in area code 513, living the married-30's something-mom-life. Husband, three kids, a bunch of pets (and chickens), a photography studio and about to start a full-time job after staying home the last 5 years. I'm a mess of nerves, excitement, and sorrow. Nervous about the job. Excited I can talk to adults every day and not about what just happened to SpongeBob and Patrick. And sorrow, because I'll miss my youngest getting on the bus for the first day of Kindergarten (although I've put her on the bus for PreK two years running), and I'll likely miss my son performing with the high school marching band on Friday nights while I'm working. Truth be told, it has to be this way for now. I've had a weight on my shoulders for a while, and I felt like God was pulling me towards being back out in the world and helping free my family from financial debts. I figure a few years of this, and we'll be debt free, except for our home, and maybe I can go back to part-time...because I really am happy to talk to someone about something other than SpongeBob!

Which is why I have this blog now. I am still a creative person, and I love writing. I also love what I love, and sharing that with others. What do I love? My kids, cooking, baking, chickens, gardening, quilting, music, NASCAR, politics, scoring a good deal at the store....I love lots of things, and I hope that you'll join me, to find out what life is like in the 513.

I can't promise I will always be upbeat, or funny, or informative, but I darn sure will always be honest. And maybe someday, I can compile all this "stuff" in my head and finally write a novel. Probably also called "Life in the 513" - because it took me two weeks to choose a name for this blog, and because I don't name things well. My photography studio is named for the street I live on, and my kids are named after my grandparents. Except my middle child. My oldest picked her name from a book. I'm not good at deciding names, is what I'm saying.

And that's life in the 513 for today! I have baseball tonight. And perhaps fireworks. And tomorrow, we might smoke some brisket. Who knows what tomorrow will bring!

I hope you'll stick around, and I hope you have a safe and enjoyable 4th of July with those you love most in the world!